Thinking...

It has already been sometime that I didn't updated my blog. There are a lot of stuff been happening all this while. Some are happy and some are not. I used to sit alone and I'm like 'mourn' for my sadness without anyone pampered me and I don't really dare to share it with anyone. Afraid of there will be no one who will be willingly listening to me. Too many complains = Too many troubles.

Yesterday was actually a very bad day for me. Been crying in the early morning and my eyes was like two big pouch glu-ing on my eyes. I've always be put in a situation where all the blaming would be on my shoulder. I hate those kind of situation. But I can't do anything , I wouldn't want to make anymore chaos. It's miserable enough for me. Yet, when I'm trying to ignore them, the more they would love to talk behind my back and blame me for every single thing that is happening. 

Everything need to have both party then there will only be an arguement. A person alone won't be able to create any arguement. But there are no such thing as, others will make any mistakes. I'm the one who always making mistakes, arguements and whatsoever. In their mind, OTHERs are always perfect. They're the most obedient child on earth and I'm always on the opposite side.

No one would understand my problems. That's why I'm avoiding them most of the time. I don't want to talk with any of them. Don't even wanted to look straight to their face. They never know what I'm thinking all the time. They even don't take any effort to understand me. I hate arguement inside my family. That's why I love to be silent at home. Talk lesser is always better to prevent any arguement. But they thought that I'm just be very offensive and don't want to communicate with them. But every time I want to have a talk, it'll sure end up with quarrel. That's why I always wanted to get out from my home. I don't feel that I belong there. I'm more like an abandoned member in my family... Am I just too much for my family? Do I need them? or, Do they need me? Is it, they'll be better off without me? I'm afraid so...

Still the same, they never knows what I'm thinking about. They never try to understand me. I always think that the world out there will be a better place for me. It will be a tough life out there but at least I'll be better off without any arguement with my family. I'll be much more happy. Both for me and for them.  

But at least, right now, there is my hubby to be along by my side. Whenever I'm in trouble and sad, he'll be listening to me and be my good listener. It would be more than enough. I wanted him to be my lifetime listener and my only listener for the rest of my life. 

Thanks Dar and I Love U so muchhh <3